Breaking Through the Far Side of Disappointment
Wikipedia has an interesting way of definining “disappointment.” If you take a moment to look the word up, here’s what you’ll find:
“The feeling of dissatisfaction that follows a failure of expectations to manifest. It differs from regret in that the individual feeling regret focuses primarily on personal choices contributing to a poor outcome, while the individual feeling disappointment focuses on the outcome.”
Looking back on my own marketing accomplishments, one of the things I’m certain of is that my disappointments inspire me to storm the gates that others gladly sneak past.
When you learn how to handle disapointments – miscommunications, violated expectations or thwarted intentions – as welcomed guests into your business life, you’ll have the mindset of cheerful expectancy of having a breakthrough not long after :-)
If you feel what I’m saying is just a bunch of ”spiritual woo-woo” stuff, read this real life Case Study of the string of disappointments this famous American endured during the first 50 years of his life…
At the age of 7, his family was forced out of their
home, so he worked to help support his parents.At the age of 9 his mother died.
At the age of 21 he failed in business.
At the age of 22 he ran for the legislature, lost his job, and was turned down for law school.
At the age of 23 he started another business on borrowed money, by age 24 was bankrupt.
At the age of 25 he was engaged to be married and his fiancée died.
At the age of 26 he had a nervous breakdown and was in bed for six months.
At the age of 28 he was defeated as speaker of the state legislature.
At the age of 33 he ran for congress and lost.
At the age of 38 he ran for congress again and lost.
At the age of 44 he ran for the US Senate and lost.
At the age of 46 he tried for his parties Vice President nomination. He received less than 100 votes and lost.
At the age of 48 he ran for the US Senate again, and lost.
At the age of 50, he was elected as the 16th President of the United States!
Of course I’m talking about Abraham Lincoln.
And because of his vigilance and resolve to overcome the major disappointments in his personal and professional life, he helped reshape and even dramatically change the deeply rooted prejudices that once plagued the people of his country.
What To Do Now: Consciously think back to ONE big disappointment you recently experienced in your entrepreneurial life and then ask yourself these 3 questions:
What really happened?
What should have happened?
What breakthrough can make it right?
By consistently and repeatedly asking these 3 questions, I’ve planted the seeds to the biggest marketing breakthroughs in which I’ve collaborated.
Audio Generator, Ask Database, Marketing Makeover Generator, Instant TeleWebcast and Teleseminar Secrets are a few of the marketing breakthroughs that immediately followed some of my biggest disappointments of my business life.
Please type-in your comments in the ”Reply Box” below.
Tags: abraham lincoln, alex mandossian, breakthrough, disappointment, info publishing, marketing, united states, wikipedia, wordpress
you are absolutely correct, dissappointments are nothing more than steps up the ladder. The key for me was realizing that i was taking offense for many dissappointments i have experienced. I learned you cannot be offended unless you choose to be. I chose not to be and instead had fun with them and i learned much about myself and how to quite the mind and focus in on my goals and only my goals and used what i had learned to help others realize that no matter what happens, you have choices. Make your choices positives in your mind, don’t fall for misery and doubt, use them to propel you forward.
Great stuff, Alex.
A good fleshing out of the adage, “when the going gets tough, the tough get going.” Dr. M. Scott Peck begins his landmark gook book, “The Road Less Traveled” with, “Life is difficult.”
Once one understands this simple truth, then life is simply about making oneself strong and learning how to turn disappointments into great strides forward.
Happy New Year!
Henri Schauffler
http://www.EntrepreneurFreedomBlog.com
Great post as usual Alan!
I like how the definition pointed out the difference between disappointment and regret.
Mark Daniels
Dirt Professor LLC
http://www.DirtProfessor.com
OOPS – Meant Alex – Please change. I typed Alan, but was thinking Alex. Sorry, man!!
Alex,
This post is right on the money. It exactly indicates what I need to do to “storm the gates” of past disappointments.
Well done on reminding us that a disappointment is only negative if we make it so. The fact is that is is a powerful positive that can teach us how to win.
Cheers!
Malcolm
Wow, Alex thanks for sharing your moments that led you to your greatness!
If Abraham Lincoln can do it despite all those ‘obstacles and disappointments’ at the age of 50, there is compelling evidence that all of us who are Information Publishers, Entrepreneurial CEO’s can have the same success.
I also appreciate those three questions, a lot of times when we are down or discouraged we think “poor me”. Now I will use those questions to help myself and others.
Ja’son Manwill
The Transformational Trainer’s Coach™
http://www.jasonmanwill.com
Lincoln was a disaster as President and a poor choice as a role model, (He was responsible for the greatest number of deaths of American citizens of any person in history) his slick speeches and writings not-withstanding.
Awesome,,, Thanks for the post.
Alex,
Great post. We both learned long ago that nothing is anything unless you compare it to something else. And we see the world as we are, not as the world is.
But the power of questions allows us to take any challenge and focus on the outcome that we had envisioned to achieve.
Just like Socrates, powerful questions give us powerful answers.
Happy New Year to you, your family, and all the people that you touch with your message.
Thanks,
– Pat & Lorna
http://PatAndLorna.com
Hi Alex:
Thanks for a great message on moving through disappointments. We get to start at start in each and every moment. Abe Lincoln demonstrated the start at start concept through-out his life. 2009 also gives us another reminder, as we begin the new year. Make it your best year ever!
Carmen Goss
Mastering the Art of Enrollment
http://www.masteringenrollment.com
Alex,
I enjoyed reading this post. Abe Lincoln is a great example of discipline, persistence, and faith. I am going to use those 3 questions moving forward.
Best,
John Hinds
Founder
The Free Water Report
http://www.TheFreeWaterReport.org
Alex,
Thanks for sharing. You must have done the Landmark Forum or know someone who did. My biggest disappointments lately seem to arise from undelivered communications, which then thwart my(declared)intentions. I”m anxious to explore the 5 marketing breakthrough results you produced. Onward and upward!
Thanks Alex for sharing your thoughts and reflections.
I must say I was a bit surprised by your choice of disappointment for a New Year’s Eve reflection – but for me it was a good fit.
Periods of disappointment hit us all at various times in the personal and professional aspects of our lives. Right now I am working my way through one as I try to get the online part of my business up and going while trying to deal with the needs of aging, ill parents. Sometimes, it can feel like one is banging their head against a re-inforced concrete wall just to move ahead a millimeter or make a gram of progress.
It is good to know that others have been there and have come out the other side with such splendid breakthroughs of success as you mentioned.
Keep up the good work and Have a Blessed 2009!
I can not thank you enough for your article. I needed to hear that. I have worked and worked to make an income on line and I am so close now but meanwhile life has handed me many set backs and today I even felt a little angry about my past obstacles but this article healed all those feelings. Thank you so much Alex. Now, onward to my great internet and personal riches!!!
Nancy A. Merry
J,
You have an interesting point of view, how did you arrive at that conclusion?
Since I wasn’t there, I can’t comment on how disastrous Lincoln was as a President. But I do know that he symbolizes HOPE for winning over adversity, whether politically motivated or not.
Lots of things could be said about the “moral character” of Harry S. Truman, Thomas Jefferson or even John F. Kennedy, but are HOPE icons and their stories inspire.
I do one thing about Lincoln’s “slick speeches” as you call them … they were brief and to the point.
“The Gettysburg Address was just over minutes, but t invoked the principles of human equality espoused by the Declaration of Independence and redefined the Civil War as a struggle not merely for the Union, but as “a new birth of freedom” that would bring true equality to all of its citizens, and that would also create a unified nation in which states’ rights were no longer dominant.”
Those aren’t my words, that’s what Wikipedia has to say about it.
So I think you and I have a different set of assumptions when it comes to our 16th President.
Respectfully Submitted,
~ Alex
Alex, this is another great reminder. I do find that I get disappointed and need to remember that if I just keep moving forward, then great things can happen. I will pay close attention to my disappointments and find the “gift” in them to keep me motivated.
Julie Van De Wyngaerde
http://www.SelfCenteredMoms.com
Hi Alex,
very interesting post!! As usual.
We’re talking about handling emotional responses here. A very intreaguing subject.
In the pertinent publications we find loads of suggestions, techniques etc. that usually boil down to a solely or pretty much rational approach to dealing with emotions. How successful is that?
As so often the answer is: It depends.
On what? Very good question! ;)
It depends on what we might call our “inner wiring”. The way our nervoussystem and our energy system are wired. That is very individual, based on our original structure and our life’s happenings.
Why is dealing with emotions in a rational manner often so fruitless? At a conference on energy psychology one of the American scientists told us in his presentation that emotional responses in our system take about 350 milliseconds – that is 0.35 sec – to happen. Our consciousness – and with it our rational parts – need 550 millisec (0.55 sec) to even take note of anything. That is over 60 % longer (!!!), if I calculated correctly. So we are always behind.
Plus these emotional circuitries are often far more robust and steadfast than rational neuro-connections.
Now with all that said: People differ enormously on the mental, emotional, and energetic planes. With my coaching clients and seminar attendees I find again and again: For some people and some problems it may be sufficient to think about their problem differently while others don’t get anywhere this way.
Almost always is it helpful to at least adress the emotional sphere – like with stories, parables, quotations etc. – as you, Alex, often do (way more that most others, and it is one of the things that make you special). And sometimes that will suffice.
For others we have to dig deeper. For instance: some need to allow themselves to be successful (as Noah St. John put it) on a deep subconscious level, that can NEVER be reached by ANY rational means.
So: It is not always easy to overcome restrictions imposed by individual heritage or later programming.
A person’s reactions to disappointments MAY lead to innovations, improvements, great works of art etc. Or they may not. This does not need to be a character flaw, or anything that person could be “blamed” for. They may just not be able to help it. Until they find help in (e. g.) energy psychology which is based on the same principles as such time proven (we are talking some 5 millenia here) sytems like acupuncture, ayurveda, yoga etc. It is a “new” (5000 years old) approach – or as you prefer to put it: a creative innovation/improvement – that resolves many issues that are based on emotional reactions.
The fan base is growing, yielding thousands of success stories.
Alex, I wish you and all your readers a phantastic and successful 2009.
Detlev Tesch
International Speaker, Coach And Trainer
Well, without friction diamonds will not shed their luster. I guess, same thing with life in general. Disappointments and failures makes us stronger and better individuals.
I would’ve regretted not stumbling into a few roadblocks myself, otherwise, I’m not here where I am now. :)
Alex,
You caught my attention by pointing out the difference between disappointment and regret. I can cut regret out of my life by improving the level of consciousness I bring to each one of my choices.
Disappointment, however, may be a repeat visitor. None of us has control over all events. If an outcome is not as we had expected, the best thing we can do is look at it straight in the face. “It is what it is,” my boss is fond of saying. But you’re right that the first question must be, what really happened? What is it really?
From that point on, questions number 2 and 3 become part of the new intention, the new plan.
Disappointment is one of those lessons that can come as a gift if we’re willing to look at it fearlessly.
Thank you for this New Years Eve post.
Chris
Thanks Alex-
You are showing much more of your spiritual side than you used to do… “Things don’t happen TO us, they happen FOR us” is a message I just got from a friend. We do need to stay in community with those who focus on the positive or the learning side of things that seem to go wrong. When we beat on ourselves, we do the worst damage imaginable – to our health, relationships, and more.
Lincoln being used as an example can create much controversy since one of the things he was up against – other than the race issues and slavery – was the impact of the 1863 nationalizing of the US currency to eliminate the rampant counterfieting that was occurring (prior to that we had over 1,700 currencies floating around)…. this has led in some ways to the things we are experiencing today with the federal systems.
The sad thing is that those counterfitters were operating in the first place – stealing – rather than finding a way that is best for all to share abundance. This is actually somewhat akin to the tactics that some unscrupulous marketers do today. — I have been scammed by an internet technique that I need to straighten out with my bank this very day!
Thank you for bringing the concept of spirit into your work… may all who learn from you keep the higher power and conncection to the universe in mind as they conduct their business.
Teena
PS-I love Detlev’s comments about the connection between the ancient healing techniques and emotions- they are really all connected!
(My website is still in process- I’m learning!)
All of our feelings, beliefs and knowledge are based on our internal thoughts, both conscious and subconscious. We are in control, whether we know it or not.
We can be positive or negative, enthusiastic or dull, active or passive.

The biggest difference between people is their attitudes. For some, learning is enjoyable and exciting. For others, learning is a drudgery. For many, learning is just okay, something required on the road to a job.

”Most folks are about as happy or as disappointed they
make up their minds to be.”
Be adviced that Mary has passed away on 12/22/2008 of Cancer.
Great Post Alex….
Out of all the disappointments in my life and throughout my businesses, I have learned more and have climbed higher up the ladder based on that 3 question theory….
To Your Success,
Philip J. Mutrie
http://www.ExtremeInternetVideo.com
Wonderful post, Alex!
I appreciate your reminder of the “sloppy way to success” by a man who wouldn’t give up — Abraham Lincoln… It’s certainly easy for people, including me, to get discouraged when things don’t go as smoothly as we’d like.
Our attitude really is everything, isn’t it? I appreciate your thoughts about having the right attitude — like cheerful expectancy — after going through a challenge. Your three questions are also great to keep in mind. To be growing means to constantly be stretching ourselves on the inside.
Lincoln himself said, “Always bear in mind that your own resolution to succeed is more important than any other one thing.”
Thanks again, Alex, for sharing your thoughtful post! Here’s wishing you and all your teleseminarians a great 2009!
Hi Alex,
You have hit on a key decision point here. I have found that events that at first seem to be a reason to feel disappointed (sometimes extremely so) can end up being key factors in guiding and propelling you toward the goals of your higher self. It is not the apparent impact of the “disappointing event” as much as my reaction to it and my perception of what it means that will determine its real effect on my life.
Thanks for the challenging post.
Columbia
I am learning form current disappointments and riding the wave. My mom told me “you loved it when it was good so love it now when it’s not so good”
How can I argue with that!
Diane
http://www.inspirationalguidance.com
Hi Alex:
Interesting perspective. I’ve got a lot of disappointments in my entrepreneurial life, and I am going to follow your suggestion and repeatedly ask–and ANSWER–those questions. My “I can, but…” voice is pretty strong and gets in the way and slows progress!!
‘Sloppy Success’ is a concept I am learning.
Freida
Alex,
I love how you are so wisely reframing experiences which can initially seem very disappointing! Wonderfully inspiring!
Your blog is on a must-view list, very high up for 2009 because of your cutting edge insights and tips!
Thanks Alex!
Happy New Year, may it be your most thrilling year ever!
Namaste, giggles & Light,
Carrie Eddinsx
Indeed! Failure is the tuition you pay for success. Failing is not celebrated near enough. But which one of us has succeeded right off the bat at anything they first tried! I watched a most delightful movie Slumdog Millionaire…there is no such thing as failure. I love what Jefferey Combs says failure is nothing but a series of compounding experiences. Whether for good or for bad the choice is entirely up to you. Disappointment is the Lords divine school! If you don’t want to learn better leave!
Disappointments…we all have ‘em. They say it is what we do with them that matters most!
A recent business disappointment that might be helpful to everyone is that one of our ask campaigns was to go out to a 500,000 person list and we only got about 2,000 people to register. This was an outside list that graciously offered to send out an announcement regarding the teleseminar but the guest speaker (who isn’t a marketer) wrote the email and pointed the registration to the wrong website!
While this was disappointing to lose the potential to acquire atleast 15-20k names, the lesson learned was that the marketing emails are very important and shouldn’t be left to marketing ‘dummies’. We still have a chance to continue the relationship with the owner of the 500,000 person list and in the following months, I have made it my personal responsibility to get the marketing email right for maximum response!
My point is that I allowed the guest speaker who had the relationship with the list owner to write the email. We now have an understanding of who creates the marketing and who handles the content for the telseminar :)
Anything IS Possible,
Jan
[...] came across a wonderful post recently by Alex Mandossian…. I think it’s a must read, a must print out… just as a reminder on those not so great [...]
The way I read it, your text is about the difference between (1) disappointment and (2) regret. This, in my view, is a matter of language, of terminology. The two, even though distinct, often go together, obviously. In my view (1) is to fall short (of expectations, intentions), (2) is to feel sorry. The normal relationship is (a.o.) TEMPORAL: disappointment first, regret following. Not the other way around. The exact nature of the distinction and the relationship between (1) and (2) I see as a subject for semantics. NOT very interesting. What IS interesting and very practical is how to DEAL with disappointments. In my (long) experience it is very fruitfull to experience them as (free!) lessons and challenges (to study what, exactly, went wrong), without regret, without surprise that (some)one has fallen short. THAT I consider the adult way.
Your article was great about overcoming problems. I also read many other famous people were faced with the same hardships who overcame the negative and profoundly made millions or rearched higher grounds of employment. There is a definite problem with people getting along with each other in our country which has borders with color,religions,educations,judicual systems, medical systems,spouse/s and gender.Overcoming everything is important to obtain sucess in life for everyone in our country.
Hi Alex,
“How can you appreciate the top if you do not know what the bottom taste like”. Be thankful for the failures, you will appreciate success more.
Kind regards
Leon
I like it!
Thank you for helping me to overcome my disappointments faster by moving actions required for a breakthrough to a conscious level.
I have always done what you stated, but on a subconscious level which takes more time and is more painful.
san diego yoga…
Tureya Yoga Online ( ) is probably one of the most comprehensive free online video, audio, and article databases the reviewer has found. While there are other paid services like My Yoga Online which have a wide variety of teachers and lessons, Tureya Y…